Along with sexual abuse, many victims like Mary suffer from the after effects of sexual abuse through emotional abuse. Thus, dating violence can also be expanded to include emotional abuse. According to CDC (2002), emotional abuse is a means of “threatening or harming one’s self worth.” Emotional abuse occurs as an impact from the cycle of dating violence. The cycle of dating violence features a repetition of phases such as the honey moon phase, the tension building stage, and the blow up stage. The victim is stuck in this cycle of tension building and finally abuse because the perpetrator often comes back and apologizes for what he has done through gifts, a temporary change in behavior, and false promises that deceive the victim in believing that the perpetrator will change no matter how many times the victim has undergone many episodes violence and confrontation.
Take for example, the case study of Ivana and Bruce and their cycle of DV. Ivana and Bruce met during high school and after couple dates they fell madly in love and began to talk about marriage. Ivana was proud to have Bruce as her partner, but Bruce regardless, would get moody and jealous. He voiced numerous suspicions of whether Ivana was lying to him. Eventually he began to stalk Ivana. He would also accuse her of being insensitive to his feelings. After thinking that he was right she would be extremely careful in how she treated him. He didn't seem to be relaxed and complained that her friends had taken up all her time. She grew apart with her friends. He would constantly call her several times a day just to check up on her. One day when he picked Ivana up on
a date he was mad because he claimed her skirt was too tight and the she was trying to show off her body to other guys. He also for bided her to go on a vacation to Tahiti because they were going to go swimming and wearing a bathing suit only exposed her skin even more. He went ballistic when he saw the family vacation photos of her in a bikini he went ballistic tearing her photo album and shaking and screaming at her. Ivana stopped seeing him for a while, until Bruce returned and apologized for what he had done. He told Ivana that he was wrong to do what he did and he wanted her back. Ivana loved Bruce and really wanted to give him another chance. When they went on another date he promised to adjust his behavior. Despite Bruce’s small gestures of moodiness, the date was fine until the end of the day when they drove to the beach. His mood changed from bitterness to anger. He began to be violent and claimed that Ivana never loved him. Although Ivana was upset, she tried to think of everything she could to calm Bruce down. But it did not do her any good because his anger was too much. He grabbed Ivana by the throat and began to slap her and choke her. He eventually ripped off her clothes and raped her and pushed her out of his car and left her sobbing alone at the beach. (Barnett, Perrin & Perrin, 2005).
Note how Bruce wanted to control Ivana even though she always felt the need to please him and in the end he made her feel degraded, humiliated, and shamed. This case story contained all three levels of dating violence. Bruce constantly criticized Ivana, isolated her from her friends, and made her feel guilty, which constitutes as emotional abuse. Bruce was also moody and his jealousy had caused him to use verbal aggression to get ivana to listen to him. When verbal aggression didn’t work he eventually lashed out on her. Before committing sexual assault he had to use physical violence in order to complete his rape. Many victims who have been raped when they or the perpetrator were not in possession of alcohol , undergo physical violence because it is harder to rape women who are sober since they fight back and hit the perpetrator. Physical violence is known as an act that results in bodily injury. For the purpose of this paper, physical violence does not need to be professionally defined because that is the only form of dating violence that is not omitted from the definition of dating violence. Emotional abuse and sexual abuse are not always included in the definition of dating violence; therefore they must be defined to fit into the concept of DV. Victims who undergo dating violence most likely encounter emotional abuse in their relationship. It is not uncommon for victims to believe that violence in relationships is appropriate and many victims continue to date their abuser regardless of how many times they have been physically hit.
Take for example, the case study of Ivana and Bruce and their cycle of DV. Ivana and Bruce met during high school and after couple dates they fell madly in love and began to talk about marriage. Ivana was proud to have Bruce as her partner, but Bruce regardless, would get moody and jealous. He voiced numerous suspicions of whether Ivana was lying to him. Eventually he began to stalk Ivana. He would also accuse her of being insensitive to his feelings. After thinking that he was right she would be extremely careful in how she treated him. He didn't seem to be relaxed and complained that her friends had taken up all her time. She grew apart with her friends. He would constantly call her several times a day just to check up on her. One day when he picked Ivana up on
a date he was mad because he claimed her skirt was too tight and the she was trying to show off her body to other guys. He also for bided her to go on a vacation to Tahiti because they were going to go swimming and wearing a bathing suit only exposed her skin even more. He went ballistic when he saw the family vacation photos of her in a bikini he went ballistic tearing her photo album and shaking and screaming at her. Ivana stopped seeing him for a while, until Bruce returned and apologized for what he had done. He told Ivana that he was wrong to do what he did and he wanted her back. Ivana loved Bruce and really wanted to give him another chance. When they went on another date he promised to adjust his behavior. Despite Bruce’s small gestures of moodiness, the date was fine until the end of the day when they drove to the beach. His mood changed from bitterness to anger. He began to be violent and claimed that Ivana never loved him. Although Ivana was upset, she tried to think of everything she could to calm Bruce down. But it did not do her any good because his anger was too much. He grabbed Ivana by the throat and began to slap her and choke her. He eventually ripped off her clothes and raped her and pushed her out of his car and left her sobbing alone at the beach. (Barnett, Perrin & Perrin, 2005).Note how Bruce wanted to control Ivana even though she always felt the need to please him and in the end he made her feel degraded, humiliated, and shamed. This case story contained all three levels of dating violence. Bruce constantly criticized Ivana, isolated her from her friends, and made her feel guilty, which constitutes as emotional abuse. Bruce was also moody and his jealousy had caused him to use verbal aggression to get ivana to listen to him. When verbal aggression didn’t work he eventually lashed out on her. Before committing sexual assault he had to use physical violence in order to complete his rape. Many victims who have been raped when they or the perpetrator were not in possession of alcohol , undergo physical violence because it is harder to rape women who are sober since they fight back and hit the perpetrator. Physical violence is known as an act that results in bodily injury. For the purpose of this paper, physical violence does not need to be professionally defined because that is the only form of dating violence that is not omitted from the definition of dating violence. Emotional abuse and sexual abuse are not always included in the definition of dating violence; therefore they must be defined to fit into the concept of DV. Victims who undergo dating violence most likely encounter emotional abuse in their relationship. It is not uncommon for victims to believe that violence in relationships is appropriate and many victims continue to date their abuser regardless of how many times they have been physically hit.
Take for example, Claudia and Roberto. Claudia met Roberto when she was in junior high school. All she wanted was a boyfriend who loved her and made her feel special. One problem they had was that they fought like dogs and cats on everything- what movie to see, what to eat, what to do for fun, and whether to go out. But Claudia thought that it was normal because every couple fights, she presumed. As they sat in the car one night Claudia accused Roberto of flirting with an old girlfriend and Roberto slapped Claudia. Claudia slapped him back. Over time this violence got worse and once she had a black eye and couple bruises. The violence escalated over time. Roberto made Claudia give up her participation on the debate team and she eventually stopped hanging out with her friends. He claimed that her nagging was what caused so many fights, so she did her best to please him and thought that the
quarrels would stop. She was wrong. Prom was quickly approaching and she was ecstatic she thought that she could finish high school and finally get married to Roberto. At prom the two had gotten into a quarrel as usual, but it only got worse when Roberto's friends had teased him because they claimed he could not keep his "woman in line." At this he began to feel humiliated and eventually kicked and punched Claudia over and over again. He left her in the parking lot bleeding and unconscious. When she went to the doctor it was said that she might lose vision in one of her eyes. After all that happen she was still worried that she would never see Roberto again and she thought her life would be over (Barnett, Perrin & Perrin, 2005).This case illustrates that the belief that love conquers all is one of the reasons why many victims willing decide to stay with their abuser. The victim desperately wishes for change to the point where she decides to stay with the abuser until change has become a reality. There is no telling what Claudia would have undergone until she finally realized that her relationship with Roberto was not love.
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