The Last Blog

This will be my official last blog. Creating these blogs has been fun. But unfortunately all good things, must come to an end. In the end nothing endures. This thought has got me thinking..how many people actually do end up with what they want in life? That is to say, what we want now may not be what we want in the end. Can we still be happy even though we may not of got what we hoped for? This is my question. How does one find true happiness? Is it by ending up with the one they love, by helping people in the most need, by pursuing a career they always wanted, or simply by being with their friends and families. I think most of us want it all. Everyone wants to end up with the one they love, give charity to those in need, be with their friends and family, and become what they've always wanted to be and what they went to college for. Our only obstacle is FEAR. Fear of rejection, fear of loosing that person, fear of not becoming anything, fear of pain.

So what is it that keeps us alive? Our Dreams. As long as we keep chasing those dreams we are still alive. We live our life only hoping for things to come out the way we want. Some are lucky enough to live that dream, while others aren't so lucky. For the ones that do not end up with the outcome they had dreamed for many of them wonder was it better to have lived through it, or to not experience it at all. Because for that part of their life they were happy. Was it better to have lived that happiness or not? It all depends on the way one looks at it. For some, yes it was worth it. Because in the end life is all about memories. We are alive when we are remembered.

Those who never gave up on their dreams and chased them long enough had the luxury to live their dream. whether it be to be with the one they love, to be with friends and family, to pursue a top paying career, or to make a mark in history. They will live their life they way they want. But, they can not control natural disasters. In end, they share the same fate as those who do not live their dream. They will loose the one they love, their friends, their career won't matter anymore, and so on. Life goes by so fast and before you know it, you'll be buying life insurance. In the end, your life was all a memory. Was it better to have made that memory or not? Of course it was because that it what life is about. If these people never chased their dream they would have never known what was in store for them. For those that gave up on their dream, find another one. Life is too short, so make the best of it. Life is beautiful, but beauty never lasts.

Vampires

I was watching the Tira show and apparently there are people that claim they are vampires. There are different types of vampires, those that drink blood of animals, of humans, read minds= psyc vampire, and I can't remeber the rest. Tyra interviewed a ton of “real life vampires” about their blood drinking lifestyle. Most of the guests were your garden variety Dracula wannabes, but the one that stood out was Sarah, who says she doesn’t crave blood because it’s “cliche and rudimentary.” She says she was born a vampire, but doesn’t like to hang out with other vampires and would rather spend her time with “other sorts.” She also says she is psychic, can go days without eating and just feeds off other peoples’ “energy”, thinks sex is gross, prefers hardcore hip-hop like Too Short to The Cure, and enjoys watching “America’s Next Top Model. When Tyra asked what the audience thought about her. She said in their minds' they think I am crazy. She also added that a women who gave her trouble, later commited suicide after she had crosssed the line the previous day before her death. That's scary!!

The "vampire" that most impressed me was a man who claimed he was a hybrid. This means that he feeds off blood and psycic energy. What he does is take somone's blood through a seringe or lancet. He then puts the blood to a glass. He also sleeps in a coffin. He calls it a sensory deformation chamber. He saids through purification clenses birth marks are also gone. Furthermore, in order to test wether he was a vampire, his doctor ran a blood test but the results were inconclusive. He has no body fat and he was able to bench press 475 pounds with his legs on the Tyra show. It was CRAZZZY!!!! How was he able to bench that much, does drinking human blood make one stronger? He did not show any sign of struggle. Also Tyra had him do a smell test. He said he had a sensitive smell than the average human. He was able to tell the difference from each smell. A normal human could not smell something unless it was put in front of their nose. When asked about race, the man replied that there is a racial inequality because of the stereotypical images from the media. He said he has a lot of "brothers" ( his fellow vampires) that are of all races.

One of the vampires lit a boy on fire as a cermony. These vampires also seem to be ponoythesitic. Sarah mentioned something about the "gods." I don't know if they could be making this stuff up but, it seems likely. I don't think that they are actually vampires. They just choose to drink blood and live that life style. But, then again how is it that they are able to stay alive and STRONG on blood? They do not eat, or do they? There are some crazy things and vampirism is popular these days. Especially because of Twilight and True Blood. Teenage girls are in love with Vampires and it seems over rated because more and more vampire novels are arising. As for these people who drink blood, I don't think they are doing this over some fad.

Intimate Partner Violence

Its interesting to see the dynamics of when a partner does not want to communicate, is closed off in a sense, and the risk factors for when IPV will occur. "---> that is an interesting comment.

When one chooses to not commicate the other person resorts to violence, which is just how IPV occurs. The first thing that happens is emotional IPV where the person threatens the other or his her possessions or loved ones or threatening the person's self worth. Examples of this is name calling, stalking, intimidation, and not letting the person see their friends or family. The two become frusterated and end up lashing out at each other. Usually most couples yell at each other and that's a signal for domestic violence to occur. yelling at each other leads to more stress and one act such as pinching leads to shoving, kicking and screaming. The more tense the relationship is, the harder it is to come down. Often when Domestic violence does occur people loose control of their emotions, become irational and lash out on one another. It is very important to keep one's hands to his or herself, especially when the two people are fighting. People who querrel in arguments all the time and have anger issues need anger management because those are the people that usually cause Intimate Partner Violence. IPv is most likely to occur behind close doors. Ipv is hazzardous because it makes people smoke, abuse alcohol, and engage in risky sexual activity.

As I have learned in other courses about studies done on family violence the victim of abuse tend to weigh the cost of leaving higher than the rewards of leaving the abuser. As Aram said be it cause of children, financial reason, fear of reprocusion after leaving, fear of being alone. The victim of the abuse tends to take the abuse so that they dont have to start over in their lives and create a new status for themselves in a community that they dont know because they let their abuser run their lives for so many years.

I agree with the fact that victims tend to stay with the abuser because they have a fear of being alone. It is the same feeling of vurnability that makes it hard to start over for many victims. They feel that they have spent so many years with the victim that they should stay with them and keep giving them chances to improve. It is like chris brown and rihanna, you could say. Somtimes victims are financially dependent on the abuser which is why they can't get away from them. Once they leave they feel that no one is there to support them. It's really sad because sometimes family members of the victims know about it and they don't interfer cause they feel it would cause to many problems. They feel that they should not intrude on someone's marrige where domestic violence is very common in regions like india. Often girls are victimized and cannot leave the marriage cause they were married off at a young age and have no where else to run to for support. Its an outrage for me. Once the girls in India are married their families completely let the husband deal with their own family member. I don't understand how some people could sit there and know about domestic violence and decide to not step in. I find that strangers who don;t know the people will report the crime vs. people who know the victim. For example, when a couple was fighting in the boyfriends apartment, I was about to report it until somone beat me to it. I saw an old women talking to them and saying she was going to call the cops. I heard them fighting because I live underneath them.

Parental Control of Sex n Violence

Entertainment will never change because that's what sells. People want to see things that have no educational value what so ever. Sex and violence. that’s all that it is. America is known for having the most sexual images in their movies. Almost every action packed movie has some sexual scene in it and violence is necessary because the story would not progress without violence.. without the conflict of violence there is no ACTION. So, sex and violence = action. Even movies like independence day, Gone in 60 seconds, and Pearl Harbor have violience and sex. Animated shows also have violence within them that are directed at kids. Look at Dragon Ball Z and video games such as mortal kombat, street fighter, and killer instinct. Even though these games and shows are rated M. The audience is of course little kids. Shows and games like these make violence appealing. Disney movies have violence in them... What about the part when Gueston stabs the Beast, Aladin Stabs Jaffar the snake, or when the Native Americans and Europeans fight in a battle and Pocahantus's kokum is shot. So you see, violence surrounds everyone, including kids. Even if these Disney characters do not engage in anything sexual, the characters themselves show some sex appeal. Why does Aladin have to have a six pack, why is jasmine so skinny, petite and wears revealing clothes. There is even a scene where she seduces Jafar. Tinker Bell’s skirt is so short, revealing her legs, and possibly her buttocks if she were real. She is always bending over and pointing her wand. This is a form of sex appeal she has. When people look at her they think she is cute, but if you were to ask many teenage males how they see her they would say she is sexy. Ariel is the most revealing character and she flaunts her figure well. Why are these characters so attractive, well because little girls are suppose to admire them and these characters are also made into dolls. A girls doll is not the form a child, but an adult women with a full figure.

Furthermore, I feel like if parents block out the channels that contain violence, then they would just block the most popular shows. Animated cartoons have a lot of violence in them. There will always be violence in super hero cartoons like batman, spider man, and super man because they all hit, punch, kick, and throw the bad guys. So we can't just block everything that has violence. There has to be some standard to the severity of the violence that is blocked. I think shows that have a little violence in them like those super hero shows are okay. Blocking the right channels depends on what kind of violence is shown. Violence from movies like gladiator and tripple x or games like mortal kombat, grand theft auto, and killer instinct should obviously not be available for children's play. Those games are not even for children. But violence from Drangon ball Z and Power rangers, or super man etc. can be shown. So, no matter what all violence can not be completely blocked out. The only non violent shows are shows that are for pre-schoolers and toddlers and kindergarteners. But what about those kids who are 7-10? The 7-10 year olds are not going to watch PBS kids and Nick Jr. They are going to watch Dragon Ball Z and Power Rangers, or X men.

Taking Care of The Elderly

Taking care of elderly is hard even if they arn't sick. My grandma is illiterate. She cannot even tell time. She also travels from house to house staying with her kids for three months. It's sad because she gets disrespected by her kids because she does a lot of things she isn't suppose to do. She acts like a kid. She always gets yelled at and things like that for touching things and then not putting it in the right place. I try my best to keep her happy. I bring her meals and somtimes entertain her by setting up the television so she can watch a religious movie and talk to her somtimes. In the film this was common. When the elderly are old it's like they are a child, so fragil and needy and gentle. Another common problem was how adutls did not want to take care of their elderly parents. Thats a very big problem in my family, sadly they fight about the amount of time she has been at their house and agrue about who's turn it is to keep her. This make me think about how my own parents expect their kids to take care of them. They are bad role models because they don't even want to take care of their own parents! of course, I have my own opinion and in the end I think I will be the only one who really cares for them. My siblings do not tend to my grandma's needs and often send me to help her. The film is right when it mentioned that there is always that one family member who ends up taking that responsiblity to take care of their parents and they often do it alone.

I think that in order to solve the problem that of elderly it is important to see how we can take care of our health now to prevent many of the problems we will experience if we get old and ignore the problem now. Osteporosis, diabetes, arthritus, thyroid, andso on can all be prevented just by keeping a good diet. According to CDC, "Proper elderly nutrition and eating habits are crucial to maintain quality of life: control blood sugar levels to avoid diabetes, maintain good vision, a positive mood, good sleep, better eyesight, energy, bone and muscle strength, digestion, good elimination, etc. Some are severely affected with poor diet, causing sometimes serious elderly nutrition problems. " We also are going to have more elderly people in the future because we are living longer these days. CDC also adds that " Elderly nutrition problems are an important concern for health officials -- the Centers for Disease Control estimate that by 2030 the U.S. population will double, to about 71 million older adults. That is about one in every five people. We are, as they say, on the "brink of a longevity revolution." It is crucial that we focus on a healthy lifestyle, and nutrition tops the list. " This also means there will need to be more efforts to ensure that the needs are met for all the elderly people. and it will not work out in the future if it is not working out now. Not even enough is done now for the elderly, so how can we expect anything to be done in the future to meet the needs of double the elderly population in the future. Thus, we should take care of our health now, so we can reduce our health issue in the future. One of the main reasons my grandma can still take care of herself is because she is not ill. She was physically active as a farmer while she was young and it payed off. Stay active and eat right now so that we can prevent some disease, but if its genetic nothing can be done.

DV: EMOTIONAL & PHYSICAL ASSAULT

Along with sexual abuse, many victims like Mary suffer from the after effects of sexual abuse through emotional abuse. Thus, dating violence can also be expanded to include emotional abuse. According to CDC (2002), emotional abuse is a means of “threatening or harming one’s self worth.” Emotional abuse occurs as an impact from the cycle of dating violence. The cycle of dating violence features a repetition of phases such as the honey moon phase, the tension building stage, and the blow up stage. The victim is stuck in this cycle of tension building and finally abuse because the perpetrator often comes back and apologizes for what he has done through gifts, a temporary change in behavior, and false promises that deceive the victim in believing that the perpetrator will change no matter how many times the victim has undergone many episodes violence and confrontation.

Take for example, the case study of Ivana and Bruce and their cycle of DV. Ivana and Bruce met during high school and after couple dates they fell madly in love and began to talk about marriage. Ivana was proud to have Bruce as her partner, but Bruce regardless, would get moody and jealous. He voiced numerous suspicions of whether Ivana was lying to him. Eventually he began to stalk Ivana. He would also accuse her of being insensitive to his feelings. After thinking that he was right she would be extremely careful in how she treated him. He didn't seem to be relaxed and complained that her friends had taken up all her time. She grew apart with her friends. He would constantly call her several times a day just to check up on her. One day when he picked Ivana up on a date he was mad because he claimed her skirt was too tight and the she was trying to show off her body to other guys. He also for bided her to go on a vacation to Tahiti because they were going to go swimming and wearing a bathing suit only exposed her skin even more. He went ballistic when he saw the family vacation photos of her in a bikini he went ballistic tearing her photo album and shaking and screaming at her. Ivana stopped seeing him for a while, until Bruce returned and apologized for what he had done. He told Ivana that he was wrong to do what he did and he wanted her back. Ivana loved Bruce and really wanted to give him another chance. When they went on another date he promised to adjust his behavior. Despite Bruce’s small gestures of moodiness, the date was fine until the end of the day when they drove to the beach. His mood changed from bitterness to anger. He began to be violent and claimed that Ivana never loved him. Although Ivana was upset, she tried to think of everything she could to calm Bruce down. But it did not do her any good because his anger was too much. He grabbed Ivana by the throat and began to slap her and choke her. He eventually ripped off her clothes and raped her and pushed her out of his car and left her sobbing alone at the beach. (Barnett, Perrin & Perrin, 2005).

Note how Bruce wanted to control Ivana even though she always felt the need to please him and in the end he made her feel degraded, humiliated, and shamed. This case story contained all three levels of dating violence. Bruce constantly criticized Ivana, isolated her from her friends, and made her feel guilty, which constitutes as emotional abuse. Bruce was also moody and his jealousy had caused him to use verbal aggression to get ivana to listen to him. When verbal aggression didn’t work he eventually lashed out on her. Before committing sexual assault he had to use physical violence in order to complete his rape. Many victims who have been raped when they or the perpetrator were not in possession of alcohol , undergo physical violence because it is harder to rape women who are sober since they fight back and hit the perpetrator. Physical violence is known as an act that results in bodily injury. For the purpose of this paper, physical violence does not need to be professionally defined because that is the only form of dating violence that is not omitted from the definition of dating violence. Emotional abuse and sexual abuse are not always included in the definition of dating violence; therefore they must be defined to fit into the concept of DV. Victims who undergo dating violence most likely encounter emotional abuse in their relationship. It is not uncommon for victims to believe that violence in relationships is appropriate and many victims continue to date their abuser regardless of how many times they have been physically hit.

Take for example, Claudia and Roberto. Claudia met Roberto when she was in junior high school. All she wanted was a boyfriend who loved her and made her feel special. One problem they had was that they fought like dogs and cats on everything- what movie to see, what to eat, what to do for fun, and whether to go out. But Claudia thought that it was normal because every couple fights, she presumed. As they sat in the car one night Claudia accused Roberto of flirting with an old girlfriend and Roberto slapped Claudia. Claudia slapped him back. Over time this violence got worse and once she had a black eye and couple bruises. The violence escalated over time. Roberto made Claudia give up her participation on the debate team and she eventually stopped hanging out with her friends. He claimed that her nagging was what caused so many fights, so she did her best to please him and thought that the quarrels would stop. She was wrong. Prom was quickly approaching and she was ecstatic she thought that she could finish high school and finally get married to Roberto. At prom the two had gotten into a quarrel as usual, but it only got worse when Roberto's friends had teased him because they claimed he could not keep his "woman in line." At this he began to feel humiliated and eventually kicked and punched Claudia over and over again. He left her in the parking lot bleeding and unconscious. When she went to the doctor it was said that she might lose vision in one of her eyes. After all that happen she was still worried that she would never see Roberto again and she thought her life would be over (Barnett, Perrin & Perrin, 2005).

This case illustrates that the belief that love conquers all is one of the reasons why many victims willing decide to stay with their abuser. The victim desperately wishes for change to the point where she decides to stay with the abuser until change has become a reality. There is no telling what Claudia would have undergone until she finally realized that her relationship with Roberto was not love.

Defining dating violence: SEXUAL ASSAULT

Defining Dating Violence and its forms: Sexual

As I mentioned earlier, The definition of dating violence is important because it must be broad enough to include all forms of dating violence such as sexual, physical, and emotional in order to accurately measure dating violence and its frequency. Sugarman & Hotling (1989) briefly define dating violence as “the perpetration of physical, emotional, or threat abuse by at least one member of an unmarried dating couple.” Notice that this definition does not include the term sexual abuse. Sexual abuse was excluded as its own separate category and until recently it was defined as a form of dating violence because many couples are sexually active or become sexually active by fore, which in turn becomes sexual assault. CDC, Center for Disease Control and Prevention (2002) defines sexual assault specifically as:

“An act completed against the victim’s will or when a victim is unable to consent due to
age illness, disability, or the influence of alcohol or other drugs. It may involve actual or
threatened physical force, use of guns or other weapons, coercion, intimidation, or pressure.
Sexual Violence also includes intentional touching of the genitals, anus, and groin, or
breast, against a victim will or when the victim is unable to consent, as well as voyeurism,
exposure to exhibitionism or undesired exposure to pornography. The perpetrator of
sexual violence may be a friend, family member, stranger, or intimate partner.”

Sexual assault in this case is defined in very specific terms and includes a variety of examples. This will help to ensure accurate measurement and higher frequency of sexual abuse. Sexual assault does not necessarily have to mean penetration in this definition. In fact, many couples are sexually assaulted simply through touch such as pining their arms down, grabbing sensitive or sexual parts of the body, and undressing without consent. Basically, if one is touched in an unwanted sexual manner, it is determined as sexual assault.

In order to describe sexual assault take for example, the case study of Mary and Her Frat Bash. Mary a freshman at Florida State University had been drinking tequila before attending a frat party. Her boyfriend, Daniel Oltarsh a junior, age 23, and a brother of Pi Kappa Alpha was her date. He gave her wine and left her in his room. Later he returned and forced Mary to have sex with her. Then he brought her to a frat bathroom and put her in a shower room where two other frat boys had raped her. They used a toothpaste tube as a means of penetration. She was then dumped into another hallway where a second frat house initialed their symbols. As news of these assaults broke out Mary begin to blame herself of the victimization. She tried to change her physical appearance so she wouldn't be recognized but, it did not help. She couldn't cope with this stress anymore and she checked into a psychiatric clinic for depression, bulimia, and alcoholism (Barnett, Perrin & Perrin, 2005).